FEAR!

I am starting to panic about labor and delivery. It seems silly since we were supposed to loose this baby and God did a miracle to save him so I shouldn't be worried at all and just know that God is going to take care of it.... But I am still worried.

My biggest fear is needing a C-Section. I know lots of women who have had C-Sections and I know they can be medically necessary, but just the thought of being cut open with a curtain in front of me and a shower cap thingy on my head totally freaks me out. Plus there is all the pain of recovery and it creates risks for future pregnancies/deliveries.  And you don't get to hold your baby right away.  You do all the work of carrying this heavy baby around for 9 1/2 months and your husband gets to hold it before you....so not right!

With the fear of C-Sections comes a fear of the baby being breech or transverse, having his heart rate drop, having stalled labor, having placenta previa, basically anything that would cause my OB to say I need a C-Section.

And then there is always the fear of the baby not being born healthy.  Logan had to be on oxygen his first day of life and that crushed me.  Thank the Lord it was nothing more serious, but that experience has made delivering an "unhealthy" baby all too real for me.  What if Levi comes out and can't breath? What if he comes out and there is something seriously wrong? And the worst...what if he comes out still born?

I keep telling myself have more faith! Trust in the Lord Vanessa! It is in His hands! But then I go to sleep and all I have are nightmares about all of this stuff.  I wake up down and defeated and have to try to pick myself back up again before I go to bed the next night. 

So I am asking for prayer.  Please pray that Levi is 100% healthy! Pray that my labor and delivery go smoothly with no need of medical interventions and no complications.  Pray for me to have dreamless sleep the next few weeks!